


stars

by kkulbear



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: M/M, Mention Of Homophobia, Pills, Suicide, sex mention
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-26
Updated: 2018-10-26
Packaged: 2019-08-07 18:56:50
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,234
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16414016
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kkulbear/pseuds/kkulbear
Summary: oh, what a day to call upon the stars!





	stars

**Author's Note:**

> ive always liked this work because of the structure of it, it's almost like a poem with the repetition of the one line every other paragraph. but like nearly all my other works, this one is kinda sad but everything is very much just a mention. like nothing is said in detail bc like i said this is structured more like a poem. hope u enjoy :]

When Jungwoo was young he would look up at the stars twinkling in the black void of the night sky. He was always so damned impressed at the vastness of the universe. So curious about how many other worlds laid above him as he slept at night. Jungwoo would find himself at school excited to learn about the stars and skies above him and how the earth itself was tilted on a twenty-three-point-five degree angle on its axis as it spun around and around on an endless orbit around the sun.

 

Jungwoo was eight years old when his father bought him a telescope and it made Jungwoo the happiest he had ever been. The first night that the sky was clear enough to see the stars, his father took him out on their back porch and angled the telescope so that Jungwoo could see the stars in all their glory. And his dad ruffled his hair. And his mom brought out cookies for them. And Jungwoo was happy.

 

When Jungwoo was a bit older, he stopped looking at the skies so much. Since he had gotten older, he didn’t have as much time to stop and look up. These days, his telescope sat in the corner of his bedroom collecting dust and hadn’t been moved for quite some time. In class Jungwoo didn’t pay attention to what the teachers had to say. He became interested in other things in the classroom, such as the boy who sat next to the classroom door with dark hair that hung just above his eyes and a stoic face that said he really didn’t want to be there.

 

Jungwoo was thirteen years old when he met Yukhei and became very good friends with him. Yukhei was personified light itself to Jungwoo. Instead of looking at stars he looked at his very own sun that would sit across from him in the mornings when one would sleep over at the others house, eating a bowl of fruit loops with messy hair and tired eyes. And Jungwoo’s parents loved Yukhei and accepted him like he was part of the family. And Yukhei’s parents always wanted Jungwoo over. And Jungwoo was happy.

 

When Jungwoo had became a real teenager, he neglected the sky in its entirety. He tried to concentrate on school more so he could get into a good college and astronomy wasn’t on the college entrance exam. He tried to push the feelings he had for his best friend within him so that they wouldn’t explode out of him and make a mess of the friendship he had built with the boy. He couldn’t feel this way, he would think to himself. It's not right.

 

Jungwoo was seventeen years old when Yukhei kissed him for the first time. The older boy was talking about something stupid and mundane when Yukhei had cupped his cheeks in both of his hands and his eyes twinkled in the light as he stared into Jungwoo’s eyes. Jungwoo had never felt so endlessly trapped and engulfed. He had never felt so loved in his entire life. Yukhei had kissed Jungwoo softly, and it was gentle, just like the younger boy. His hands were warm against Jungwoo’s face and Jungwoo found himself unable to let go. Jungwoo cried when Yukhei pulled away, everything that had built up over the four years of their friendship was now out in the open and Jungwoo had never felt so refreshed. And Yukhei held Jungwoo as he cried into his chest. And Jungwoo felt like he belonged, like he was home. And Jungwoo was happy.

 

When Jungwoo tried to tell his parents about Yukhei, he was hopeful. Jungwoo knew that his parents weren’t the most accepting of things like this… But he was their son, right? They had to accept him. Jungwoo was terrified, however, he stayed hopeful. He paced in his room as he waited for his father to get home from work while his mom made dinner in the kitchen.

 

Jungwoo was seventeen years old when he realised that just because you hope for the best doesn’t mean you’ll get the best. Jungwoo’s dad was upset. Upset was an understatement at this point. His face had gone red and twisted into a scowl. Jungwoo’s mother was silent as Jungwoo took the verbal abuse from his father. And his father forbade him from seeing Yukhei outside of school anymore. And his mother cried after Jungwoo had been sent to his room. And Jungwoo tried to stay happy.

 

When Jungwoo was alone he took to drinking in his room late at night. His dad always had top shelf alcohol that Jungwoo had no problem stealing. Jungwoo would drink until he forgot his own name sprawled out across the sheets that were tangled over his bed. One night after weeks of being kept in his house and only allowed to leave for school, he broke out and climbed out of his window. He looked up at the stars as he walked down the street to his destination: Wong Yukhei’s house.

 

Jungwoo was seventeen years old when he lost his virginity to the boy that he loved more than anything else in the world. He knocked on Yukhei’s window and it had taken Yukhei a while to fully awaken and let Jungwoo in. They were silent as Jungwoo’s eyes spilled tears in the darkness whilst sitting on Yukhei’s bed. Yukhei rubbed his thumb over Jungwoo’s cheeks, trying to make his tears disappear before wrapping the boy in his arms and rocking him back and forth, telling him everything would be okay and that he loved him. Jungwoo’s tears stopped after that. Yukhei was gentle as he rocked his hips into Jungwoo and it reminded Jungwoo of their first kiss: soft, slow, and full of love. Jungwoo had never felt such an immense pleasure in his life and he saw stars behind his eyelids. And Yukhei held Jungwoo in his arms after their sweat-covered bodies had fallen on top of each other. And Jungwoo snuggled into Yukhei’s warm being, taking in his scent and this feeling of being completely engulfed. And Jungwoo was numb.

 

When Jungwoo was an adult, he didn’t know what to do with himself anymore. Yukhei hadn’t spoken to him since the drunken blur that took place days before. He would avert his eyes in the hallway, and he didn’t even wish Jungwoo a happy birthday; the first time he had missed it in five years. Jungwoo was alone and he knew it. Jungwoo had fucked everything up in the blink of an eye. He should’ve never said anything to his parents about who he really was, he shouldn’t have went to Yukhei that night. Jungwoo’s whole life was a big mistake.

 

Jungwoo was eighteen years old when he finally took time to look at the stars again. He had climbed to the top of a hill and laid in the grass in the darkness. He admired the sky and how black it was. The stars twinkled in a violent contrast against the dark backdrop of the sky.  _ How beautiful it would be _ he thought to himself,  _ to be part of the stars.  _ The stars were always beautiful to Jungwoo. And he closed his eyes, his breath staggering, he felt nauseous. And with a stomach full of pills, he flew to the stars. 

 

And Jungwoo, once again, was happy.  

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading!!  
> leave me feedback  
> find me!  
> [twt](https://twitter.com/247yeol) | [cc](https://curiouscat.me/rosyxuxi)


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